Quarantine and Your Love Life

Most of us love to have a relaxing quality time with our spouses and partners. Snuggling together in the comfort of our home, while children are peacefully asleep, we feel relaxed, safe and cozy with our significant others by our side. Some couple just thrive on togetherness! They live together, work together and vacation together. They are used to this "quarantine" type of dynamic we are finding ourselves in these days... However,it is not the case for most. Today a typical couple does not spend more than a few hours together in a week, and those few hours are typically looked forward to and valued. Now, how about we are together all the time, children are wired and need entertainment and attention, fridge is getting empty, our living space is a disaster, we feel stress and tension, the humor is running low and our libidos- even lower?

Here are some tips on surviving quarantine and indoor anxiety and not calling it quits on your marriage and relationship.

1. Notice the little things! Did your husband actually put down the toilet seat? Great effort! Did your girlfriend buy you your favorite snack without lecturing you on healthy diet? Awesome.

2. Be thankful. Thank each other often and generously.

3. Pay more attention to positives vs negatives. Negativity bias is a common cognitive distortion, we are wired to pay more attention to negative events so we stay prepared and safe. However, we are not hunted by oversized bears and dinosaurs, so let us put our weapons down.

4. Give each other some space. Take turns in playing with kids while your partner can meditate, shower or WORK. :)

5. Dream on. This is a good time to practice what wonderful Dr Julie and John Gottmans call Shared Meaning. You can discuss your dreams and hopes and may even learn new things about each other no matter how many years you spent together.

6. Manage your negative emotions. Boy, this is a tough one. We are bound to feel anxious, frustrated, angry, sad and may be even enraged at some point. After all, this time is unprecedented and we certainly have more questions than answers. Take the time to NOTICE your emotions and do not let them control you. Breathe deeply.

7. Have sex. Plan it if you have to. Put it on your calendar!

8. Play. If you have to, create your own game together. Sexy poker? How about Making Kissing Fun- take a few pieces of paper and write down ways you like to be kissed. Take turns of picking one every day for yourself and your significant other.

9. Do not be afraid to have more conflict. This does not mean your relationship is on the rocks. But you need to manage it, continuously, by maintaining communication, acknowledging feelings and focusing on staying sane and happy and not on being right and winning an argument.

10. Practice forgiveness... to yourself and your partner.

Warm hugs to All!

V.